Confidence! The art of feeling beautiful yourself without needing to receive compliments before feeling beautiful.
I was talking with a friend this week and we both realised that we faced similar issues that we battle with on daily basis. Confidence it is. Body confidence to be precise. I had sent her a text the day before that one of our friends just got a boob job and I exclaimed through my text: “Money is the only barrier stopping me from getting one too”. We both laughed
The following day, we spoke about it again and I just realised how sad it is. That I am ready to get a boob job because I have been led to believe that lime boobs is not good looking. People constantly make comments on the size of my boobs as much as people make comments on a regular basis about my friend’s weight. I am meant to be self-confidence and not let those comments get to me but to be honest, it is hard. Those comments are usually in joke forms from close friends and direct entourage and to be a subject of constant jokes or sarcasm is just not pleasant at all.
If I were to do a boob job today, will it be for myself or for people. Will I personally feel more beautiful than I am already with some silicone in me? If I were to receive the money for that boob job, will I still do it? Those are the questions I ask myself. As tempting as the last question is to me, given my insecurity about my boobs, my answer is a no. Why? Because I am not a people pleaser. Please do it for you not people.
It is sad to live in an era where people advocate body positivity yet feel so free and entitled to make statements about the way others look. You should loose weight, you have gained some pounds, ohh your tummy is quite big, ohhh your boobs are so tiny, jeez your butt is so flat, why are you so skinny, your toes are too manlike for a lady, you are so dark, your rabbit tooth, why are you so short, you look like a giraffe, your eyebrows this, your jaws that, your hair this, you have so much loose skin, they say. Are those kind attempts towards encouraging body positivity? Should I curse my ancestors for insufficient or “your imperfect” genes?
I am sorry but before you make any comments on another person’s appearance, remember that this person has eyes and can see themselves. For example, if you are so concerned about my weight to the extent that you are sickly passionate about me loosing weight, then get me a life coach, a nutritionist, a personal trainer who can help me achieve those goals. What measures have you taken to make me feel confident about my body or help me in my unhealthy relationship with food.
Im sorry but you are the reason for others’ complexes. Everyone has insecurities but once that insecurity is vocalised by another person, then it’s a slur to my confidence. Do you realise that boobs are genetic? Are you insulting my entire generation and ancestors for not having strong perky boobs genes? Do you realise that the unhealthy relationship people have with food and that lead them to having weight issues can be due to mental instability or ill health.
Before you open your mouth, look for causative agents. Before you feel the urge to speak out about something, tackle the root. Help with action not with words. What have you done to help that person around you? What are you doing besides talking? Talking is not even bad to me, but talking without any tact, is extremely nonconstructive. Someone once told me that “no one can really love you like you love yourself”. That is true. But my love for me is also rated by the love I feel around me and that I receive. I also once heard that “What really matters is what you think about yourself and not what people think about you”. True and false here, I have to say. Let me explain…
People have internal battles and others’ words only accentuate what their battles are. For example, someone struggling with their weight. They know themselves that they are overweight. They have been trying to tackle the issue. They can see themselves in the mirror and do not necessarily love what they see. But they have to deal with society everyday when they step their foots outside. Fat shaming, comments and even from the closest of closest people to them. It is a shame. It is one thing to bring someone to self-realisation about the eating lifestyle or even express concerns about their weight with due sensitivity of course. However, it is another thing to shame, to exclaim, to insult, to minimise people’s attempts to deal with their battles.
My friend told me she was struggling to find a job. Like every other graduate out there, it is normal, I said. Job hunting post studies or during the final year of studies is never easy. Can you believe she was told by her mother that the reason she was not getting any job offers was because of her weight. Now that hurt me. Her mum definitely did not mean to hurt her but hearing that from whosoever just hurts. Who wants to hear that? Should looks matter? I mean, it is not an elevator pitch! Should it really?
Personally, weight is just one of the things that if we were to look at, we would bank it along many others! It is sad that in this day and age, people would look at your appearance before your intellectual abilities, before your personality, your potential, your drive, motivation… What happened to “who we are on the inside”? Everything that counts into appearance including weight, complexion, height, size, gender to say the least should not matter. Not to mention nationality, origins, names … Employers out there claim “equal opportunities” but behind closed doors, they consider these things! Sad isn’t it.
If we want to make this era one in which people are health conscious, confident in their bodies, mind and soul, then we have to address these issues. Help to really help not to feel relevant. Once more, think about tact in the way you address people. Tact here means: skill and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. Be very mindful. We want to have a generation of more health conscious and self-confident individuals so lets all try to make that happen by truly helping others not bringing them down. Also when it comes to genetics, no one has control over the genes they get so stop it with the comments. The perception of beauty is surjective so to your tummy with how you feel I should be beautiful.
All in all, you are beautiful, you are strong, and your body, your looks do not define you as a person. You are talented and you are blessed and everywhere you go, you will be light. The most important part: Always spread love and never let society define what beauty should be for you.
Your gyal xx